The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. (Ezekiel 18:20 ESV)
One of the areas of counseling I deal with a lot is with parents who are feeling guilty for the lifestyle and sinful choices that their children are making. I hear phrases like "generational curses" and "the sins of the father will visited upon the third and fourth generations." (Exodus 34:7)
I understand the repercussions of sins will have its effect on those around (especially our family) us but ultimately our children must be responsible for their own choices and decisions.
As a parent, I can't protect my kids from "their" testimony. As God brought me through my dumb decisions - God will bring my/ your kids and grandkids through also.
This is the premise of Ezekiel 18:20 - we are all responsible for our actions in this life.
We did, our children do - live with no thought about tomorrow. We did, they do - feel as if they will live forever and that nothing they will do will have any consequence.
There are always consequences for my actions and they DO affect those around me. My decisions will have an impact for generations to come. But my children will not get to heaven or hell based on what I've done. They are totally responsible for their own decisions.
In fact, the same God who states that he will visit the iniquity of the fathers to the third and fourth generation is also the same God who says that He will show mercy to those who keep His commandments and make a decision to follow His ways.
You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:5-6 ESV)
If a son or a daughter chooses to not walk in wickedness, refuses to worship idols or commit adultery. If that son or daughter choose to bless the poor and not rob them, etc. - that child will not be responsible for the sins of the father.
Just as the child is responsible for their decisions - so am I as a parent or grandparent.
So, as a parent - QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP. Do your best. Admit your mistakes. Pray for your children and then put them into the hands of God. Just as God gave you a testimony He is giving your children a testimony also.
As a parent - there is a difference between influence and choice. Over the years, there have been people, circumstances, and environments that have, or have attempted to, influence me. But the influence only goes as far as I allow it to go.
And the choices of others have influenced us as well. Some of the choices have been bad choices, terrible choices. Choices that we did not deserve have placed upon us.
Ezekiel goes to great pains to say that every man is treated as an individual to God. What happens to him is not dependent purely on heredity (his father’s sins), nor yet on environment (the nation’s sins), but is conditioned by personal choice.’
Parents will often ask themselves is ‘Where did we go wrong?’
I say to those parents that based on the truth of this scripture passage in which God clearly says that we are responsible for our own choices and decisions, ‘Stop beating yourself up!’
Each of us are responsible for our own decisions and consequences of those actions. While we make some of them under conditions of extreme stress, we also make some of them in moments of anger, jealousy, and frustration in reaction to an event or a conversation. But we make the choice and we cannot blame somebody else for the choices that we make.
Enough of the blame game. We need to become people (and we are) of the solution! The solution is simple: Take responsibility for our actions and repent of those that have been made clear to us through the Bible and the Holy Spirit that they are wrong!
Life is too short to go around passing the buck. I have more respect for those who say, ‘I know what I am doing goes against the Bible but I am going to do it anyway,’ than for those who hide and refuse to take responsibility and live in denial about their choices.
We all need grace. We all need forgiveness. We all need God. There is no other way. There is no other hope. There are no other excuses.
To all parents who are reading this, I simply say, keep loving your kids no matter where they are at with the Lord. Keep praying for them. Keep talking with them. Keep interested in them. God has not given up your children because God’s love for them is greater than your love for them. They deeply matter to God! He died for them just as He died for you.
Maybe there are issues that need to be addressed between you and your kids, address them! Ask the Lord to help you and your kids to get ready for a much-needed conversation. (Don’t forget to tell them that you love them.) But don’t give up on you kids and stop beating yourself up! This is a good word for all parents today!
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