HOW TO WIN THE BATTLES OF LIFE

One of the metaphors that the Bible uses over and over again for the Christian life is that of a battle. The Bible says:

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Eph. 6:11-12 (NASB)

This of course is talking about battles that we fight daily – they may be: financial battles, spiritual battles, relationship battles – all kinds of battles in our daily lives.

In the Old Testament we find that Jehoshaphat, king of Israel, got word from a friend that three enemy nations were coming against him to fight him. The odds weren’t too good because it was three nations against the one nation of Israel. The Bible tells us that these three nations were the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Meunites. Let’s look into the story – it is found in Second Chronicles chapter twenty:

“Now it came about after this that the sons of Moab and the sons of Ammon, together with some of the Meunites, came to make war against Jehoshaphat. Then some came and reported to Jehoshaphat, saying, "A great multitude is coming against you from beyond the sea…” 2 Chron. 20:1-2 (NASB)

God put the story of Jehoshaphat in the Bible in order to illustrate to us certain vital spiritual principles in winning the battles of life.

1. Identify Your ENEMY

Verse 1 shows us the first principle in overcoming the battles of life: Identify your enemy. This seems like a rather obvious principle – but actually it isn’t. Many people simply do not know who their enemy is. They start mistrusting everyone. Often we think the enemy is some other person – even our own family members. But they may not be the ones who are standing against us – but for us. Many times the enemy is our own attitude – the way we handle the situation. Before we can start winning our battles – we have to know who are enemy is.

Notice how Jehoshaphat reacted when he heard that these three nations were coming against him:

“Jehoshaphat was afraid……..” 2 Chron. 20:3 (NASB)

2. Don’t Be Driven By EMOTION

Of course Jehoshaphat was afraid. He had every right to be. Three nations were coming up against him. That would be a typical reaction for all of us. But don’t let your emotions take control of you.

Some people do that don’t they? They let their emotions take control of them. They will get mad – they will get angry – they will be furious – and look out if you are standing anywhere around them when that happens. You can become a casualty of their emotional explosion. But look at what the Bible says:

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 (NASB)

The Bible also says:

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Tim. 1:7 (KJV)

All of us are emotional beings – that’s the way God has created us. But don’t let your emotions get the better of you.

3. Take Your Problems To The LORD

Let’s look at verse three again:

“Jehoshaphat feared, and set himself to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah.” 2 Chron. 20:3

When Jehoshaphat learned that three nations were coming against him he was afraid – but instantly he “set himself to seek the LORD”.

The third principle in winning the battles of life is to take your problems to the Lord. Prayer ought to be the first weapon we use whenever we face the battles of life, not the last. Usually the last thing we try is prayer – maybe because we want things to work out on our own.

Jehoshaphat prayed and do you know what he said? In effect he said, “God, I know You’ve helped me in the past. I know You can help me in the future. So please help me now. Please take care of our enemies, for we have no power to face the vast army that is attacking us. We don’t know what to do – but our eyes are upon You” (vv. 6-12).

4. Admit You Need HELP

The fourth principle in winning the battles of life is to admit you need help. Jehoshaphat did when he said:

"We are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You." 2 Chron. 20:12 (NASB)

You need to say, “Lord, I’ve got a problem, and I need Your help with it.” There’s only one kind of person that God doesn’t help – that’s a person who doesn’t think he needs help. When you say, “Lord, I’ve got a problem; I need help, I admit my inadequacy,” then he can work on it. The Christian life is a supernatural life and we need God’s power to live it. We can’t live it on our own because we have a power shortage. God is willing to help but if we are too proud to ask for it – He will not help us. The Bible says:

"GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE." James 4:6 (NASB)

5. Rely On God’s POWER

Did you notice that after Jehoshaphat admitted, “Lord, I don’t know what to do,” he added, “but our eyes are on You” (2 Chron. 20:12).

The fifth principle in overcoming life’s battles is to rely on God’s power. We need to get our eyes on the Lord. Too often we’ve got our eyes on everything else – on everything except the One who can solve our problems.

Circumstances are like a mattress: If we’re on top – we rest easy. But if we’re underneath – we might suffocate.

If we keep our eyes on the Lord we’ll stay on top of our circumstances.

6. Relax In FAITH

Notice how God responded to Jehoshaphat’s prayer:

"Thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's.’ 2 Chron. 20:15 (NASB)

The sixth principle in overcoming life’s battles is to relax in faith.

So many Christians today are totally worn out because they’re trying to fight God’s battles in our own power.

When we first become Christians we tend to think, “God, You don’t know what a deal You got when You got me. I’m going to bring in Your kingdom single-handedly. I’ll go out and win the world and really help You.” So we work really hard but eventually come crawling back on our hands and knees saying, “Lord, I know I’ve really disappointed You. I’m so sorry. I’ve really let You down.”

But God replies, “No, you didn’t let Me down, because you weren’t holding Me up.”

Here is a truth: We don’t hold up God – He holds us up.

How many of you have heard – God helps those who help themselves? The truth of the matter is – God helps those who can’t help themselves.

Now listen to me carefully. I’m not saying we should not try – that we should not do our best – because we should try – we should give it our best effort. But we should also realize that without God’s power we have no power at all.

Jesus said it this way:

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NASB)

God wants us to relax in faith and let Him work through us.

Paul says it this way:

“As you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.”
Col 2:6 (NASB)

In other words – just the way you became a believer, be sure to live the Christian life the same way. You didn’t become a Christian by working really hard – by promising to be perfect – by doing all kinds of good things – by doing all kinds of works for the Lord. You became a Christian by trusting in the work that Jesus did for you. The Bible says that salvation is not of works. It’s by the grace of God – thru the sacrifice of Christ. You just came to Him and said, “Lord, I believe in you – I give myself to You – let me trust You and live for you.”

The Christian life is a walk of faith.

If God says He’ll take care of it – He will.

Has God ever broken His promise? No! Never! So relax and allow Him to be in charge.

This for me is the hardest lesson to learn. That is because I want to be in charge. I want to do things my way. I have spent a lot of time running around trying to win the battle – but notice what God says to Jehoshaphat – He says:

'You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you.’ 2 Chron. 20:17 (NASB)

What does it mean to stand firm when you’ve got a problem – when you’re facing a battle – when you’re in a crisis of life? It’s a mental attitude of quiet confidence that says, “I’m going to trust God.” If He has promised you that He will take care of it – He will.

7. Thank God In ADVANCE

The seventh principle in conquering life’s battles is to thank God in advance for giving you the victory.

The story of Jehoshaphat is fascinating because the way in which the battle was won. After he consulted the people, he appointed men to sing to the Lord – to praise God for His loving-kindness.

Now get the picture of what is going on here. There are these two mountains and a valley in-between. The battle is going to take place in the valley. On one mountain are the three enemy armies just waiting to devastate the Jews. On the other mountain are the Jews led by Jehoshaphat. He tells his people, “Here’s God’s battle plan. All of those who can sing in the choir – I want you out front. I want them to lead the battle line.”

So they go marching to battle with the choir in the front of the army – singing praises to God. Who would fight a battle like that? Wouldn’t you put your best soldiers out front? Wouldn’t you let your strongest men lead the way? That was not God’s plan. He wanted the choir out front.

Did God’s plan work? Yes it did. The Bible tells us that the three enemy armies got confused and ended up killing each other! They defeated themselves. All God’s people had to do was to divide up the plunder.

Why did God do it this way? As a visual object lesson to teach us to praise Him in faith even before the victory – even before the battle was won – even before the battle was fought – we need to praise God. When God gives us a promise we need to praise Him – because a promise from God is a sure thing!

Here is the final outcome of the Battle. The Bible says:

“When Jehoshaphat and his people came to take their spoil, they found much among them, including goods, garments and valuable things which they took for themselves, more than they could carry. And they were three days taking the spoil because there was so much.”
2 Chron. 20:25 (NASB)

When God wins the battle – there is always a bountiful blessing.

Thanks to Rick Warren and Tom Shephard

BECOMING A PERSON OF INTEGRITY

Now if you walk before Me as your father David walked, in integrity of heart and in uprightness, to do according to all that I have commanded you, and if you keep My statutes and My judgments, then I will establish the throne of your kingdom over Israel forever, as I promised David your father, saying, ‘You shall not fail to have a man on the throne of Israel.’ I Kings 9:4‭-‬5 NKJV

I deal with a lot of up and coming leaders in ministry.  I try to pour into them the lessons that I’ve learned and the things that they need to watch out for that will either make or break them in the days to come.

One of the biggest areas that they will be tested in will be the area of integrity.

It is not something you can buy at a store and add to your resume but it is something that comes through learning to live day by day with making the “right” decisions over and over.

And,  it is true that a person could take a lifetime of building it only to see it crumble within a matter of minutes.

Notice how John Maxwell defines integrity - "It is deciding to integrate my heart’s value into my daily actions.”

As we seek to clothe ourselves with the characteristics of Jesus, I think we must look long and hard at this particular one. Jesus, when defending himself against the religious leaders of his day (his enemies and rivals), said this about his claim of being the Messiah:

John 10:25 - Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me”

HE says, what I say and what I do testify as to who I am.

A person of integrity is validated by their words and their deeds. If we are pure in heart we can be pure in action. Integrity is making my daily actions line up with my heart’s values.

I must value the benefits of integrity

If I am going to be a person of integrity than I must understand the value to determine if it is worth the price I must pay.

Michael Biolsi gives the following outline to help us understand integrity…

1. Integrity provides me with Protection (less fear)

Psalm 25:21 - May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.

Mark Twain said: “Speaking honestly is better. It takes a lot of stress out of our lives. If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything, but if you don’t tell the truth you have to remember what you said.”

When I have integrity I have protection. I have less fear and less stress because I do not have to look over my shoulder all of the time.

2. Integrity provides me with Security (greater confidence)

Proverbs 10:9 - The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

I can be confident that what I do is right and that it will prosper (though it may not prosper financially at times, it can prosper in other ways!) If you walk with integrity you do not have to worry about having a shaky foundation for what you do, it provides a firm foundation.

3. Integrity provides me with Guidance (better decision)

Proverbs 11:3 - The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

In a society without moral absolutes anything goes. When people can choose what is right and wrong without having a standard, how do you decide which way to go? Eventually you will get caught in your duplicity. It will come back to bite you. If you live in integrity then your decisions are easier to make – your integrity guides you.

4. Integrity provides me with Hope (future rewards)

Job 4:6 - “Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?

Hope for what? Hope that some day when I stand before God I will not be ashamed of how I lived and what He will say to me. Hope that I will be commended and not rebuked for my lifestyle and the testimony that I had while alive.

I must elevate myself to model integrity

SO how do we do it? How can we become people of integrity? What can I do or change in my life so that I can experience the benefits of integrity and the blessing of God?

1.  Ask God To Test My Heart

Have any of you ever had an EKG? What is the purpose of it? IT is to determine the health of the heart. To help find potential problems and to help diagnose future problems. It is a test of the condition of the heart.

This physical testing of the heart is what God needs to do to us in a spiritual sense. He needs to come in and find out the condition of our heart and fix it before major problems take over!

1 Chronicles 29:17 - I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you.

You see, God is pleased with integrity and examines the heart to see if a person is full of integrity or full of bologna! What you believe in your heart will determine how you act when placed in a tempting situation.

Because of the fact that integrity begins in our hearts, we must ask God to examine our hearts and show us what is questionable.

Psalm 26:2 - Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind

So, how does God show us what is questionable and also what is characteristic of integrity. One way is through the Bible. That is why the next point is so vital.

2. Study To Know What Is True

Throughout the Bible you will find the words: honesty, purity, truth, upright and complete all translated from the same words meaning integrity – they are all synonymous.

If, therefore, we are going to live lives of integrity we must know what integrity looks like. That comes from spending time in the Bible with God.

2 Timothy 2:15 - Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth. (NASB)

If we take the time to read and study the Bible and apply the truths that we read to our lives, then we can live lives of integrity. Why? Because the Bible is the only standard for living that is true and unchanging.

You will never come to stability in your life if you fail to spend time studying the Bible. You will be like a boat tossed about in every storm that you face.

Ephesians 4:14 - As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming (NASB)

Living the Christian life without studying the Bible is like trying to fix a car without reading the instructions… it just doesn’t work. Period.

3. Apply God’s Word To Your Daily Activities/ Work

Psalm 15:1-2 - O Lord, who may abide in Thy tent? Who may dwell on Thy holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart.

Walking in integrity means integrating all of what God’s Word says into our daily activities. It means that I become a doer of the word.

James 1:22 - Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

Education without Application is Abortion.

The fact is that God’s Word has pretty clear instructions for each of us. If we do what God says and apply what we learn to our lives, we will become people of integrity – we will have hope, guidance, security and protection. If we do not apply what the Bible says to our lives we become shallow and empty.

4. Remain Faithful In Spite Of Circumstances

Have you ever gone through one of those times in your life where it feels like your whole world is caving in? It seems like you will not be able to handle another day of calamity! “If one more thing goes wrong I’m gonna lose it!”

I have a word for you today – don’t ever give up. Don’t ever, ever, ever, give up. Do whatever you can to remain faithful.

Job was a man who went through an awful lot but remained faithful.

Job 2:3 - Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.”

God commends Job for his character. He is:
·    blameless
·    upright
·    fears God
·    shuns evil

His character was good. The fact that he kept his character in tack in spite of the best efforts of Satan made him a man of integrity.

He lost his
·    home
·    kids
·    wealth
·    health

But he never gave up on God. If you feel like you are about ready to give up on God, take time today to pray and ask God to renew your strength. Find a friend, a brother or sister from church, and ask them to pray with you.

Isaiah 40:31 - but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Remain faithful to God… he remains faithful to you.
 

5. Refuse To Be Persuaded By Others

Mark 12:14 - They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?

Job, had 3 friends that that were not the kind of friends you want to have. They kept trying to convince Job that he had sinned against God and needed to get right with God. Job knew better.

And, if they aren’t enough, even Job’s wife gets in on the act and tells Job:

Job 2:9-10 - His wife said to him, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

We must never let others dictate what we do. They must never come between us and what is right; what is full of integrity. To become a person of integrity I must do what is right and refuse to be persuaded by others.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Everybody else is doing it?” This is one of those lame rationalizations that we use to justify our actions. To be a person of integrity means that you are willing to go against the crowd if the crowd is wrong. It means being willing to stand alone, if necessary, for what is right. It means peer-pressure is no pressure for you.

You see, it is not what other people think about you that counts. It is what God thinks of you that you will care about… whether that is today or at the end of your life, sooner or later you will agree with me that the only thing that counts is what God is going to think and say about you. And His word says this:

Job 8:20 - “Lo, God will not reject a man of integrity, nor will He support the evildoers.

The fact is that integrity has a much higher value than riches or fame:
 

Proverbs 19:1 - Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than he who is perverse in speech and is a fool.

Proverbs 28:6 - Better is the poor who walks in his integrity, than he who is crooked though he be rich.

But integrity must be worked at.

Psalm 101:2 - … I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart.

If it doesn’t work at home, it doesn’t work. It has to start be each of us being deliberate about modeling it. It means making sure that what we say and what we do – no matter what the circumstances – line up with each other. It means making our actions line up with our heart and making sure our heart is in tune with God.

THE KEY TO A STRONG MARRIAGE

Yesterday my wife and I celebrated 43 year of marriage. We met when we were 16 and were married at the age of 19.

Over the years we’ve had to work hard on our marriage and have had the opportunity to help many couples along the way on how to keep their marriage strong also.

In the end, God has remained faithful to us in so many ways.  It wasnt always easy but God sustained and helped us all along the way.

Song of Solomon gives us some pointers on how to have a strong marriage and relationship.  Let me show you a few things:

“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.” Song of Solomon 2:14

The “cleft of the rock” was a small crack in the mountain.  It was not as big as a cave but it could provide some shelter from the storms.  There probably was not room for more than two people in this cleft.

He is picturing himself alone with his partner.  Notice the words that he says…  Notice the exclusivity…

“Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.”

He is bringing all his attention down on this one person.  Nobody else is around.  It is just him and her.

That is one of the keys to romantic love.  It has to be the focus of my attention exclusively on one person.

Notice now how she picks up on this same theme in these verses…

My beloved is mine, and I am his. He feeds his  flock among the lilies. Song of Solomon 2:16

By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. Song of Solomon 3:1

Scarcely had I passed by them, When I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go, Until I had brought him to the house of my mother, And into the chamber of her who conceived me.Song of Solomon 3:4 NKJV

She looks for him.  She passes by the guards and “I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go.”

Notice the exclusivity.  

The idea of exclusivity is not that I don’t have any other relationships but it is that I reserve my first and my best and my most for my lifetime partner.

Whatever it is – time, affection, everything.

First.  Best.  Most.  That is what I give to my lifetime partner.  We don’t let other people meet our marital needs.  And… we don’t meet other people’s marital needs.

Those needs will either go unmet and have the Lord meet those needs or my partner will meet them.  I won’t allow anyone else to meet my marital needs.

That’s what exclusivity is all about in regards to Romantic Love.


If you want Romantic Love – it is sparked when it is EXCLUSIVE!

Here’s another principle from The Song of Solomon… ROMANTIC LOVE IS IGNITED WHEN IT IS EXPRESSED

There comes a time when you’ve got to get it said.  If you want that hot, happening, on-going, lifetime type of romantic love – there are some things that needs to be said.

And… it’s got to get said often and regularly – even daily.

This message is going to be hard for some you guys who think, “I watched her, I wooed her, I won her and I wed her.  And… I told her the day we got married that I love her and if I change my mind – I’ll let her know.”

I talk to a lot of couples and this is truer than you think.  It’s more common than we think.

I’m sure that there we’re a lot of people laughing right now because you know it’s true.

It frustrates me to see marriages where one of the partners has checked out.

Again… if you want to keep the Romantic fires burning and you want your partner to be that life-time passionate partner – ROMANTIC LOVE NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED.

Let’s go to the Song Of Solomon and let me give your FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT EXPRESSING LOVE here.  We are going to watch the shepherd and the Shulamite in communication together.

These people have their PHD in expression love to one another.  We could learn a lot from them.

FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT EXPRESSING LOVE

One of them is a WHY and then there will be 3 HOWS.


Romantic love is ignited when we express it.  First, a WHY and then 3 HOWS.

1. Express Your Love Because It is NEEDED

Notice what the woman says…

I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept. Song of Solomon 1:5‭-‬6

Everyone needs to hear love expressed – EVEN THE SHULAMITE WOMAN.

I don’t know how you picture this woman in this book but I kind of picture her between Einstein and Miss America – she had it all together – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

But if you look at this text – there are some things about her that she doesn’t like.

Notice her SELF DOUBT.  Notice that she says that she is “dark but lovely.”

Like so many people – she knows that there are things about herself that she knows are not attractive in her mind.

Rather than focusing on the many strengths that she has been given – what is she focused on – the one thing in herself that she sees as a flaw.

It is the same for everyone reading this – we focus on our flaws more than our strengths. We don’t focus on the many strengths that God gave us but the 1 or 2 things that we wish were different about ourselves.

So you can understand this – she is talking about “deeply tanned skin.”

In the Western world – to have dark skin is a sign of luxury, health and beauty.  

But in the Eastern culture – lighter skin is what is desired.

A person in with “darker/ tanned” skin was a person who spent a lot of time in the fields and was of the lower class of people.

Basically, she is revealing that she is a person that worked the fields and the man that she was in love with was of a higher economic strata.

She is embarrassed about that.  She is focused on that.  She feels that the way she is – is a negative feature.

My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. Song of Songs 5:10

NKJV – “radiant” – “white” – speaking of his complexion. 

Apparently, He didn’t have to work for a living in the sun.

It’s interesting to me… that a woman so loved and so adored still fights negative feelings about her appearance and the pain of the past that caused it.

Now… if this woman in the Song Of Solomon needed to hear love expressed – then who does not need to hear love expressed?

The answer is that all of us do.

2. Express your love through VERBAL confirmation

These are words that focus on the person – who they are and their essence.

How many know that beauty will fade.  You’ve got to have something else that you are fired up about that person because the icing on the cupcake will someday fade.

It’s so great to see a couple in love where you know that they are more focused on the part that doesn’t last but the essence of what will last forever.

Look how this couple has this between them.  Look at 1:15…

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!...Song of Songs 1:15

There is no feature spoken about.  It’s just this love that that have for  each other.  It’s not about their features or beauty or physique.

It’s their essence.  It’s their person.  It’s who they are. He’s affirming not her physical characteristics but the totality of who she is.

Look at her response in v.15

How handsome you are, my lover!..Song of Songs 1:16

It is interesting… the word BEAUTIFUL in v.15 and HANDSOME in v.16 are translated exactly the same in the Hebrew.

He says, “You are BEAUTIFUL” and she says, “No, you are BEAUTIFUL.”


“Everything about you – the totality of you is wonderful.”

If you want to ignite romance in your marriage – VERBAL CONFIRMATION IS SO IMPORTANT!

3. Express Your Love Through VALUE Comparisons

“If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.” Song of Songs 1:8

MOST BEAUTIFUL OF WOMEN – You are the most beautiful of women.

Ok… there are approximately 265 million people in the United States with approximately 133 million women.  

He is saying – “You are more beautiful than all the women in the United States.”“You could put all these women in a room together and I will find you.”

This is a value comparison.  “You are one among many.”  That communicates a lot.

“You’re first.  You’re tops.  You’re above them all. You excel them all.”

Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. Song of Songs 2:2

Wouldn’t it be great guys – if you’re wife could go into any room, any size, at any age and say, “My husband is so focused on me – none of these other women will draw his attention from me.”

A woman should never have to worry that there is another woman that is in the room who is warmer than her, funnier than her, prettier than her and her husband is drawn to her.

She should never feel insecurity about her husband’s inattention to her.

4. Express Your Love Through Visual COMPLIMENTS

Visual compliments are where we use pictures to describe our affections. There is a power in pictures.

The Song Of Solomon shares some of the greatest word pictures. In fact – they are very intimate.

Song of Solomon 4:1 – The man is speaking…

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead.”

Now… men – don’t use these pictures for your wife.  I dont think they have the same meaning as they did back then.

But if you lived back then – to look at a hillside filled with sheep – it would have been like him saying, “Your hair is full and wavy.”

Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. Song of Songs 4:2

COMING UP FROM THE WASHING – in other words – “Your teeth look nice and clean.”

Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. – in others words – “Girl, you have lots of teeth and none missing.”

Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate.  

Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.  Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Song of Songs 4:3-5 (NIV)

Look at how she responds in 5:10-15

My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.  His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven.  His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels.  His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh.  His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires.  His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars.  His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Song of Songs 5:10-16

All I can say is WOW!

I believe that this is the God-type of relationship we are to have with our spouse – two people honoring one another.

God loves this.  He wrote a whole book in the Bible on this.  

If you want to have the hot, happening, lump in the throat, sweaty palm, life-romantic love that I keep talking about – then express your love through visual compliments.

Gary Smalley, the excellent author on books on marriage and family – (he speaks to thousands of married couples all the time) – Whenever he does a marriage seminar he begins by asking this question – “What one thing would improve your marriage more than any other one thing?”

Without exception – the answer is always communications.  “If we could just communicate better.”

Now… the most important book in the Bible about love is about communication.  The most important chapter in that book is about expressing your love.

If the target is communication in your marriage.  The BULLS-EYE is expressing your love.

So.. we express our love because it’s needed - through value comparisons.  Through visual compliments

FOUR THINGS EVERY PERSON CAN SAY:


I love you.


I need you.


There is no one like you.


I thank God for you.

My prayer is that the homes and bedrooms of our church will be filled with these words.