It is inevitable in life - you will have strife with someone at sometime or another. Whether it be a family member or a fellow employee or your neighbor - you will have times and seasons of disagreement that will sometimes escalate in some way or another.
The Hebrew word translated "strife" or "contention" occurs some fifteen times in the book of Proverbs and describes the kind of person who is apt to cause an argument or a conflict, one who is predisposed to quarreling or dispute. In short, it describes a person who is disagreeable, who has not learned to disagree without being disagreeable.
Proverbs 17:14 reads, "The beginning of strife is like letting out water..." Strife, then, is similar to a tiny hole in a dam releasing only a small trickle of water that gets bigger and bigger. The nature of contention is to move from "trickles to torrents!"
[Three things can be said of a trickle that becomes a torrent: It lets out more water than is possible to predict, it lets out more water than is possible to control, and it lets out more water than is ever possible to retrieve.]
What then, should we do when a quarrel arises? The second half of Proverbs 17:14 gives a terse answer, " ... quit the quarrel before it breaks out."
So, how do we deal with strife and quarreling?
First, We Can Banish The Contender.
Proverbs 22:10 teaches that if the troublemaker is removed, the trouble also leaves.
Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease. (Proverbs 22:10 ESV)
Second, We Can starve a Quarrel to Death.
Proverbs 26:20-21 teaches us that strife ceases when people stop talking controversy.
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. (Proverbs 26:20, 21 ESV)
When does strife cease? When people stop talking. Just like fire can't burn where there is no wood, so strife can't continue where there are no talebearers. When gossip comes to you, refuse to listen. If gossip found no listeners it would disappear and die.
To extinguish a fire, you must remove one of the essential elements needed for combustion (fuel, oxygen and spark). For example, eliminating what is fueling the blaze is a method often employed in fighting a forest fire. A controlled backfire is started from a cleared line ahead of the advancing flames. When the two fires meet, no timber is left to burn.
The Bible tells us that for lack of wood "the fire goes out" (Prov. 26:20). This refers to extinguishing something much more devastating than the combustion of physical elements. It's the fire of an irresponsible tongue and the resentment and pain that burn in the hearts of those who have been seared by its heat. What deep and lasting wounds the tongue can inflict on others! Families and friendships have been disrupted and individuals hurt for life because of the effects of backbiting and slander.
How necessary it is for God's people to eliminate from their conversation all contentious words! This would prevent many of the fires that ruin relationships. You can do this by letting the Holy Spirit set your heart on fire for Jesus. This will burn off all the fuel Satan wants to use and put it to good use.
By yielding our tongue to the Lord Jesus, who alone can control it, we can put out the harmful fires of slander and gossip that stir up strife.
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