Yesterday, I showed you how Romantic Love is Exclusive. Let me take that a step further today from the SONG OF SOLOMON and talk about how Romantic Love needs to be EXPRESSED.
There comes a time when you’ve got to get it said. If you want that hot, happening, on-going, lifetime type of romantic love – there are some things that needs to be said.
And… it’s got to get said often and regularly – even daily.
These words are going to be hard for some you guys who think, “I watched her, I wooed her, I won her and I wed her. And… I told her the day we got married that I love her and if I change my mind – I’ll let her know.”
I talk to a lot of couples and this is truer than you think. It’s more common than we think. It frustrates me to see marriages where one of the partners has checked out.
FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT EXPRESSING LOVE:
Let's look at the Song Of Solomon and watch the shepherd and the Shulamite in communication together.
These people have their PHD in expression love to one another. We could learn a lot from them.
1. Express Your Love Because It is NEEDED
Notice what the woman says…
Song of Songs 1:5-6 (NIV) Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.
Everyone needs to hear love expressed – EVEN THE SHULAMITE WOMAN.
I don’t know how you picture this woman in this book but I kind of picture her between Einstein and Miss America – she had it all together – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
But if you look at this text – there are some things about her that she doesn’t like.
Notice her SELF DOUBT. Notice that she says that she is “dark but lovely.”
Like so many people – she knows that there are things about herself that she knows are not attractive in her mind.
Rather than focusing on the many strengths that she has been given – what is she focused on – the one thing in herself that she sees as a flaw. We all do.
So you can understand this – she is talking about “deeply tanned skin.” In the Western world – to have dark skin is a sign of luxury, health and beauty. But in the Eastern culture – lighter skin is what is desired. A person in with “darker/ tanned” skin was a person who spent a lot of time in the fields and was of the lower class of people.
Basically, she is revealing that she is a person that worked the fields and the man that she was in love with was of a higher economic strata.
She is embarrassed about that. She is focused on that. She feels that the way she is – is a negative feature.
Song of Songs 5:10 (NIV) My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.
Apparently, He didn’t have to work for a living in the sun.
v.6 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.
We don’t know why they were angry with her… maybe she got more attention than the brothers, maybe she was more attractive, maybe she resented her as an outsider,
They made her work. The result was that she feels that it has an effect on her and she doesn’t feel like she would like to feel. She feels very badly about this.
"my own vineyard I have neglected." Basically, I took care of their vineyards but I haven't taken care of myself. She was pre-occupied with the way she looks - feeling very bad about it.
It’s interesting to me… that a woman so loved and so adored still fights negative feelings about her appearance and the pain of the past that caused it.
Now… if this woman in the Song Of Solomon needed to hear love expressed – then who reading this does not need to hear love expressed?
No one is so attractive that they don’t need to hear those words.
Every person needs to hear – desperately, regularly expressions of love from the loved ones in their life.
Proverbs 3:27 (NIV) Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
2- Express your love through VERBAL confirmation
These are words that focus on the person – who they are and their essence.
Verbal confirmation is more than compliments. You can’t just give compliments if you aren’t supporting the essence of who they are.
How many know that beauty will fade. You’ve got to have something else that you are fired up about that person because the icing on the cupcake will someday fade.
It’s so great to see a couple in love where you know that they are more focused on the part that doesn’t last but they essence of what will last forever.
Look how this couple has this between them. Look at 1:15…
Song of Songs 1:15 (NIV) How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!...
There is no feature spoken about. It’s just this love that that have for each other. It’s not about their features or beauty or physique.
It’s their essence. It’s their person. It’s who they are. He’s affirming not her physical characteristics but the totality of who she is.
Then… as an afterthought… he throws in this one more statement…
Song of Songs 1:15 (NIV) How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.
Look at her response in v.15
Song of Songs 1:16 (NIV) How handsome you are, my lover!..
It is interesting… the word BEAUTIFUL in v.15 and HANDSOME in v.16 are translated exactly the same in the Hebrew.
He says, “You are BEAUTIFUL” and she says, “No, you are BEAUTIFUL.”“Everything about you – the totality of you is wonderful.”
3- Express Your Love Through VALUE Comparisons
Song of Songs 1:8 (NIV) If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.
Ok… there are approximately 265 million people in the United States with approximately 133 million women.
He is saying – “You are more beautiful than all the women in the United States.”“You could put all these women in a room together and I will find you.”
This is a value comparison. “You are one among many.” That communicates a lot.
“You’re first. You’re tops. You’re above them all. You excel them all.”
Wouldn’t it be great guys – if you’re wife could go into any room, any size, at any age and say, “My husband is so focused on me – none of these other women will draw his attention from me.”
A woman should never have to worry that there is another woman that is in the room who is warmer than her, funnier than her, prettier than her and her husband is drawn to her. She should never feel insecurity about her husband’s inattention to her.
Notice now how she responds…
Song of Songs 2:3 (NIV) Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
That’s a value comparison.
In other words… “Nothing compares to you. You’re the apple tree. Nothing compares to you.”
Ladies… listen to me on this… your husband is one among thousands in the world and one among thousands in the work area and one among hundreds in the church.
Your man, needs to know that when he puts his foot in the door at night – he needs to know that he is the only one – the first, the best, the highest in your life.
YOU NEED TO GET THIS SAID ALL THE TIME.
4- Express Your Love Through Visual COMPLIMENTS
Visual compliments are where we use pictures to describe our affections. There is a power in pictures.
The Song Of Solomon shares some of the greatest word pictures. In fact – they are very intimate.
Song of Songs 4:1 (NIV) How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead.
Now… men – don’t use these pictures for your wife. I don't think they have the same meaning as they did back then.
But if you lived back then – to look at a hillside filled with sheep – it would have been like him saying, “Your hair is full and wavy.”
Song of Songs 4:2 (NIV) Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Song of Songs 4:3-5 (NIV) Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies.
Song of Songs 6:4-6 (NIV) You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners. Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing. Each has its twin, not one of them is alone.
Song of Songs 7:1-5 (NIV) How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.
Look at how she responds in 5:10-15
Song of Songs 5:10-16 (NIV) My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.
All I can say is WOW!
I believe that this is the God-type of relationship we are to have with our spouse – two people honoring one another.
God loves this. He wrote a whole book in the Bible on this.
If you want to have the hot, happening, lump in the throat, sweaty palm, life-long romantic love that I keep talking about – then express your love through visual compliments.
FOUR THINGS EVERY PERSON CAN SAY:
- I love you.
- I need you.
- There is no one like you.
- I thank God for you.
Original outline by James MacDonald
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