BECOMING A PERSON OF INTEGRITY

Now if you walk before Me as your father David walked, in integrity of heart and in uprightness, to do according to all that I have commanded you, and if you keep My statutes and My judgments, then I will establish the throne of your kingdom over Israel forever, as I promised David your father, saying, ‘You shall not fail to have a man on the throne of Israel.’ I Kings 9:4‭-‬5 NKJV

I deal with a lot of up and coming leaders in ministry.  I try to pour into them the lessons that I’ve learned and the things that they need to watch out for that will either make or break them in the days to come.

One of the biggest areas that they will be tested in will be the area of integrity.

It is not something you can buy at a store and add to your resume but it is something that comes through learning to live day by day with making the “right” decisions over and over.

And,  it is true that a person could take a lifetime of building it only to see it crumble within a matter of minutes.

Notice how John Maxwell defines integrity - "It is deciding to integrate my heart’s value into my daily actions.”

As we seek to clothe ourselves with the characteristics of Jesus, I think we must look long and hard at this particular one. Jesus, when defending himself against the religious leaders of his day (his enemies and rivals), said this about his claim of being the Messiah:

John 10:25 - Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me”

HE says, what I say and what I do testify as to who I am.

A person of integrity is validated by their words and their deeds. If we are pure in heart we can be pure in action. Integrity is making my daily actions line up with my heart’s values.

I must value the benefits of integrity

If I am going to be a person of integrity than I must understand the value to determine if it is worth the price I must pay.

Michael Biolsi gives the following outline to help us understand integrity…

1. Integrity provides me with Protection (less fear)

Psalm 25:21 - May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.

Mark Twain said: “Speaking honestly is better. It takes a lot of stress out of our lives. If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything, but if you don’t tell the truth you have to remember what you said.”

When I have integrity I have protection. I have less fear and less stress because I do not have to look over my shoulder all of the time.

2. Integrity provides me with Security (greater confidence)

Proverbs 10:9 - The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

I can be confident that what I do is right and that it will prosper (though it may not prosper financially at times, it can prosper in other ways!) If you walk with integrity you do not have to worry about having a shaky foundation for what you do, it provides a firm foundation.

3. Integrity provides me with Guidance (better decision)

Proverbs 11:3 - The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

In a society without moral absolutes anything goes. When people can choose what is right and wrong without having a standard, how do you decide which way to go? Eventually you will get caught in your duplicity. It will come back to bite you. If you live in integrity then your decisions are easier to make – your integrity guides you.

4. Integrity provides me with Hope (future rewards)

Job 4:6 - “Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?

Hope for what? Hope that some day when I stand before God I will not be ashamed of how I lived and what He will say to me. Hope that I will be commended and not rebuked for my lifestyle and the testimony that I had while alive.

I must elevate myself to model integrity

SO how do we do it? How can we become people of integrity? What can I do or change in my life so that I can experience the benefits of integrity and the blessing of God?

1.  Ask God To Test My Heart

Have any of you ever had an EKG? What is the purpose of it? IT is to determine the health of the heart. To help find potential problems and to help diagnose future problems. It is a test of the condition of the heart.

This physical testing of the heart is what God needs to do to us in a spiritual sense. He needs to come in and find out the condition of our heart and fix it before major problems take over!

1 Chronicles 29:17 - I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you.

You see, God is pleased with integrity and examines the heart to see if a person is full of integrity or full of bologna! What you believe in your heart will determine how you act when placed in a tempting situation.

Because of the fact that integrity begins in our hearts, we must ask God to examine our hearts and show us what is questionable.

Psalm 26:2 - Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind

So, how does God show us what is questionable and also what is characteristic of integrity. One way is through the Bible. That is why the next point is so vital.

2. Study To Know What Is True

Throughout the Bible you will find the words: honesty, purity, truth, upright and complete all translated from the same words meaning integrity – they are all synonymous.

If, therefore, we are going to live lives of integrity we must know what integrity looks like. That comes from spending time in the Bible with God.

2 Timothy 2:15 - Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth. (NASB)

If we take the time to read and study the Bible and apply the truths that we read to our lives, then we can live lives of integrity. Why? Because the Bible is the only standard for living that is true and unchanging.

You will never come to stability in your life if you fail to spend time studying the Bible. You will be like a boat tossed about in every storm that you face.

Ephesians 4:14 - As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming (NASB)

Living the Christian life without studying the Bible is like trying to fix a car without reading the instructions… it just doesn’t work. Period.

3. Apply God’s Word To Your Daily Activities/ Work

Psalm 15:1-2 - O Lord, who may abide in Thy tent? Who may dwell on Thy holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart.

Walking in integrity means integrating all of what God’s Word says into our daily activities. It means that I become a doer of the word.

James 1:22 - Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

Education without Application is Abortion.

The fact is that God’s Word has pretty clear instructions for each of us. If we do what God says and apply what we learn to our lives, we will become people of integrity – we will have hope, guidance, security and protection. If we do not apply what the Bible says to our lives we become shallow and empty.

4. Remain Faithful In Spite Of Circumstances

Have you ever gone through one of those times in your life where it feels like your whole world is caving in? It seems like you will not be able to handle another day of calamity! “If one more thing goes wrong I’m gonna lose it!”

I have a word for you today – don’t ever give up. Don’t ever, ever, ever, give up. Do whatever you can to remain faithful.

Job was a man who went through an awful lot but remained faithful.

Job 2:3 - Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.”

God commends Job for his character. He is:
·    blameless
·    upright
·    fears God
·    shuns evil

His character was good. The fact that he kept his character in tack in spite of the best efforts of Satan made him a man of integrity.

He lost his
·    home
·    kids
·    wealth
·    health

But he never gave up on God. If you feel like you are about ready to give up on God, take time today to pray and ask God to renew your strength. Find a friend, a brother or sister from church, and ask them to pray with you.

Isaiah 40:31 - but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Remain faithful to God… he remains faithful to you.
 

5. Refuse To Be Persuaded By Others

Mark 12:14 - They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?

Job, had 3 friends that that were not the kind of friends you want to have. They kept trying to convince Job that he had sinned against God and needed to get right with God. Job knew better.

And, if they aren’t enough, even Job’s wife gets in on the act and tells Job:

Job 2:9-10 - His wife said to him, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

We must never let others dictate what we do. They must never come between us and what is right; what is full of integrity. To become a person of integrity I must do what is right and refuse to be persuaded by others.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Everybody else is doing it?” This is one of those lame rationalizations that we use to justify our actions. To be a person of integrity means that you are willing to go against the crowd if the crowd is wrong. It means being willing to stand alone, if necessary, for what is right. It means peer-pressure is no pressure for you.

You see, it is not what other people think about you that counts. It is what God thinks of you that you will care about… whether that is today or at the end of your life, sooner or later you will agree with me that the only thing that counts is what God is going to think and say about you. And His word says this:

Job 8:20 - “Lo, God will not reject a man of integrity, nor will He support the evildoers.

The fact is that integrity has a much higher value than riches or fame:
 

Proverbs 19:1 - Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than he who is perverse in speech and is a fool.

Proverbs 28:6 - Better is the poor who walks in his integrity, than he who is crooked though he be rich.

But integrity must be worked at.

Psalm 101:2 - … I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart.

If it doesn’t work at home, it doesn’t work. It has to start be each of us being deliberate about modeling it. It means making sure that what we say and what we do – no matter what the circumstances – line up with each other. It means making our actions line up with our heart and making sure our heart is in tune with God.

THE KEY TO A STRONG MARRIAGE

Yesterday my wife and I celebrated 43 year of marriage. We met when we were 16 and were married at the age of 19.

Over the years we’ve had to work hard on our marriage and have had the opportunity to help many couples along the way on how to keep their marriage strong also.

In the end, God has remained faithful to us in so many ways.  It wasnt always easy but God sustained and helped us all along the way.

Song of Solomon gives us some pointers on how to have a strong marriage and relationship.  Let me show you a few things:

“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.” Song of Solomon 2:14

The “cleft of the rock” was a small crack in the mountain.  It was not as big as a cave but it could provide some shelter from the storms.  There probably was not room for more than two people in this cleft.

He is picturing himself alone with his partner.  Notice the words that he says…  Notice the exclusivity…

“Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.”

He is bringing all his attention down on this one person.  Nobody else is around.  It is just him and her.

That is one of the keys to romantic love.  It has to be the focus of my attention exclusively on one person.

Notice now how she picks up on this same theme in these verses…

My beloved is mine, and I am his. He feeds his  flock among the lilies. Song of Solomon 2:16

By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. Song of Solomon 3:1

Scarcely had I passed by them, When I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go, Until I had brought him to the house of my mother, And into the chamber of her who conceived me.Song of Solomon 3:4 NKJV

She looks for him.  She passes by the guards and “I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go.”

Notice the exclusivity.  

The idea of exclusivity is not that I don’t have any other relationships but it is that I reserve my first and my best and my most for my lifetime partner.

Whatever it is – time, affection, everything.

First.  Best.  Most.  That is what I give to my lifetime partner.  We don’t let other people meet our marital needs.  And… we don’t meet other people’s marital needs.

Those needs will either go unmet and have the Lord meet those needs or my partner will meet them.  I won’t allow anyone else to meet my marital needs.

That’s what exclusivity is all about in regards to Romantic Love.


If you want Romantic Love – it is sparked when it is EXCLUSIVE!

Here’s another principle from The Song of Solomon… ROMANTIC LOVE IS IGNITED WHEN IT IS EXPRESSED

There comes a time when you’ve got to get it said.  If you want that hot, happening, on-going, lifetime type of romantic love – there are some things that needs to be said.

And… it’s got to get said often and regularly – even daily.

This message is going to be hard for some you guys who think, “I watched her, I wooed her, I won her and I wed her.  And… I told her the day we got married that I love her and if I change my mind – I’ll let her know.”

I talk to a lot of couples and this is truer than you think.  It’s more common than we think.

I’m sure that there we’re a lot of people laughing right now because you know it’s true.

It frustrates me to see marriages where one of the partners has checked out.

Again… if you want to keep the Romantic fires burning and you want your partner to be that life-time passionate partner – ROMANTIC LOVE NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED.

Let’s go to the Song Of Solomon and let me give your FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT EXPRESSING LOVE here.  We are going to watch the shepherd and the Shulamite in communication together.

These people have their PHD in expression love to one another.  We could learn a lot from them.

FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT EXPRESSING LOVE

One of them is a WHY and then there will be 3 HOWS.


Romantic love is ignited when we express it.  First, a WHY and then 3 HOWS.

1. Express Your Love Because It is NEEDED

Notice what the woman says…

I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept. Song of Solomon 1:5‭-‬6

Everyone needs to hear love expressed – EVEN THE SHULAMITE WOMAN.

I don’t know how you picture this woman in this book but I kind of picture her between Einstein and Miss America – she had it all together – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

But if you look at this text – there are some things about her that she doesn’t like.

Notice her SELF DOUBT.  Notice that she says that she is “dark but lovely.”

Like so many people – she knows that there are things about herself that she knows are not attractive in her mind.

Rather than focusing on the many strengths that she has been given – what is she focused on – the one thing in herself that she sees as a flaw.

It is the same for everyone reading this – we focus on our flaws more than our strengths. We don’t focus on the many strengths that God gave us but the 1 or 2 things that we wish were different about ourselves.

So you can understand this – she is talking about “deeply tanned skin.”

In the Western world – to have dark skin is a sign of luxury, health and beauty.  

But in the Eastern culture – lighter skin is what is desired.

A person in with “darker/ tanned” skin was a person who spent a lot of time in the fields and was of the lower class of people.

Basically, she is revealing that she is a person that worked the fields and the man that she was in love with was of a higher economic strata.

She is embarrassed about that.  She is focused on that.  She feels that the way she is – is a negative feature.

My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. Song of Songs 5:10

NKJV – “radiant” – “white” – speaking of his complexion. 

Apparently, He didn’t have to work for a living in the sun.

It’s interesting to me… that a woman so loved and so adored still fights negative feelings about her appearance and the pain of the past that caused it.

Now… if this woman in the Song Of Solomon needed to hear love expressed – then who does not need to hear love expressed?

The answer is that all of us do.

2. Express your love through VERBAL confirmation

These are words that focus on the person – who they are and their essence.

How many know that beauty will fade.  You’ve got to have something else that you are fired up about that person because the icing on the cupcake will someday fade.

It’s so great to see a couple in love where you know that they are more focused on the part that doesn’t last but the essence of what will last forever.

Look how this couple has this between them.  Look at 1:15…

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!...Song of Songs 1:15

There is no feature spoken about.  It’s just this love that that have for  each other.  It’s not about their features or beauty or physique.

It’s their essence.  It’s their person.  It’s who they are. He’s affirming not her physical characteristics but the totality of who she is.

Look at her response in v.15

How handsome you are, my lover!..Song of Songs 1:16

It is interesting… the word BEAUTIFUL in v.15 and HANDSOME in v.16 are translated exactly the same in the Hebrew.

He says, “You are BEAUTIFUL” and she says, “No, you are BEAUTIFUL.”


“Everything about you – the totality of you is wonderful.”

If you want to ignite romance in your marriage – VERBAL CONFIRMATION IS SO IMPORTANT!

3. Express Your Love Through VALUE Comparisons

“If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.” Song of Songs 1:8

MOST BEAUTIFUL OF WOMEN – You are the most beautiful of women.

Ok… there are approximately 265 million people in the United States with approximately 133 million women.  

He is saying – “You are more beautiful than all the women in the United States.”“You could put all these women in a room together and I will find you.”

This is a value comparison.  “You are one among many.”  That communicates a lot.

“You’re first.  You’re tops.  You’re above them all. You excel them all.”

Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. Song of Songs 2:2

Wouldn’t it be great guys – if you’re wife could go into any room, any size, at any age and say, “My husband is so focused on me – none of these other women will draw his attention from me.”

A woman should never have to worry that there is another woman that is in the room who is warmer than her, funnier than her, prettier than her and her husband is drawn to her.

She should never feel insecurity about her husband’s inattention to her.

4. Express Your Love Through Visual COMPLIMENTS

Visual compliments are where we use pictures to describe our affections. There is a power in pictures.

The Song Of Solomon shares some of the greatest word pictures. In fact – they are very intimate.

Song of Solomon 4:1 – The man is speaking…

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead.”

Now… men – don’t use these pictures for your wife.  I dont think they have the same meaning as they did back then.

But if you lived back then – to look at a hillside filled with sheep – it would have been like him saying, “Your hair is full and wavy.”

Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. Song of Songs 4:2

COMING UP FROM THE WASHING – in other words – “Your teeth look nice and clean.”

Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. – in others words – “Girl, you have lots of teeth and none missing.”

Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate.  

Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.  Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Song of Songs 4:3-5 (NIV)

Look at how she responds in 5:10-15

My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.  His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven.  His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels.  His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh.  His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires.  His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars.  His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Song of Songs 5:10-16

All I can say is WOW!

I believe that this is the God-type of relationship we are to have with our spouse – two people honoring one another.

God loves this.  He wrote a whole book in the Bible on this.  

If you want to have the hot, happening, lump in the throat, sweaty palm, life-romantic love that I keep talking about – then express your love through visual compliments.

Gary Smalley, the excellent author on books on marriage and family – (he speaks to thousands of married couples all the time) – Whenever he does a marriage seminar he begins by asking this question – “What one thing would improve your marriage more than any other one thing?”

Without exception – the answer is always communications.  “If we could just communicate better.”

Now… the most important book in the Bible about love is about communication.  The most important chapter in that book is about expressing your love.

If the target is communication in your marriage.  The BULLS-EYE is expressing your love.

So.. we express our love because it’s needed - through value comparisons.  Through visual compliments

FOUR THINGS EVERY PERSON CAN SAY:


I love you.


I need you.


There is no one like you.


I thank God for you.

My prayer is that the homes and bedrooms of our church will be filled with these words.

DO YOU NEED WISDOM IN YOUR LIFE?

As a young man growing up I was often taken with the prayer of Solomon for great wisdom.  It became part of my own prayer journey as I was growing up and continues to be a daily prayer that I come to God asking for wisdom.

Not only did Solomon pray for wisdom but was granted a great wisdom that marveled all who were around him.

Recently a survey was done with a group of kids. This is how they responded to the question, “What do you think wisdom is?”

Rocky, age 9, said, “Wisdom is wearing a hat when feeding seagulls.”

9-year-old Carol commented, “Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes.”

Nicholas, age 11, spoke from experience: “Never bug a pregnant mom.”

Kelly, age 10, has learned the dinner drill: “Don’t ever be too full for dessert.”

And, Heather, a seasoned teenager said, “When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ don’t answer him.”

The Bible is full of wise sayings. One of my favorites is found in Proverbs 26:17: “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.”

It sounds like he learned that lesson the hard way! While we can benefit from some of the wisdom that whirls around us, to be truly wise we need the wisdom that comes from above.

James 3:17: “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

When God asked Solomon what it was that he wanted - he could of asked for anything but he only asked for wisdom.

Now, O  Lord my God, you have made me king instead of my father, David, but I am like a little child who doesn’t know his way around. And here I am in the midst of your own chosen people, a nation so great and numerous they cannot be counted! Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours? 1 Kings 3:7‭-‬9 NLT

The phrase “understanding heart” can be translated, “a hearing heart.” Solomon wanted a heart that hears from the Holy One so that he would have the ability to see issues clearly and distinguish between right and wrong. In short, he wanted wisdom.

Let me ask you, when’s the last time you asked God for wisdom? James 1:5 says that all we need to do is request it and God will supply it: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

When Solomon’s request rises up to heaven, he receives two responses:

God is pleased. Notice verse 10: “The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this.” The Message offers this paraphrase: “God, the Master, was delighted with Solomon’s response.” If you want to make God happy, ask Him for wisdom.

God provides. In verses 11-15, God tells Solomon that He will grant him “a wise and discerning heart.” Turn over to 1 Kings 4:29: “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore.”

And because His heart was right in asking for that which pleased God, Solomon was given wisdom and much more than he dreamed of: riches, honor, and the possibility of a long life.

That reminds me of Ephesians 3:20: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…” This is a wonderful example of what happens when we put God’s purposes first as Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

There is hardly a day that goes by that I don’t ask God for wisdom.  I know that I’m in over my head on most things that I do. I am constantly calling out for God to give me wisdom from on high to help me with today.

You might be facing impossible odds today.  God is waiting for you to ask Him for wisdom.  You might be facing tough decisions that need to be made.  God to God and ask for His strength and for His help.

The Bible is clear that the way to wisdom is to first fear God. Proverbs 9:10: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

We must honor Him for who He is and surrender to His supremacy.  He is God and I am not.

There’s another way to find wisdom and that’s to focus on Jesus.

Colossians 2:3: “…That they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.”

The command, “Get wisdom” ultimately means, “Come to Jesus.”

Take some time right now to reaffirm your fear of God, determine to focus on Christ, and ask Him for wisdom every day.

Proverbs 3:13 says, “Happy is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gets understanding.”NLT