DEALING WITH ANGER

Over my lifetime I’ve had to deal with some anger issues that pop up every once in awhile.  As a child it was more pronounced but as an adult it still comes and goes and I still have to deal with the results - that inner stewing that sometimes results in sleepless nights and thoughts that swirl in my mind over and over.

I end up moody and grumpy with everyone around me. I hate it!

We all get angry, but we do so in different ways. Some of us explode. Others simmer silently. But none of us is immune. It’s a very normal human reaction.

Jesus got angry. In the Old Testament it says 375 times that God got angry. The Bible says, “In your anger, don’t sin.”

There’s a right way and a wrong way to get angry. How do you deal with anger appropriately?  Here are some helpful thoughts that just might help you out today.

1. Understand Why You Get Angry.

The better you understand yourself, the better you’ll be able to control your anger. Anger is simply a warning light. It isn’t your real problem. It says that something much deeper is wrong.

- Sometimes it’s pain. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, you’re going to get angry. If you get hurt emotionally, you’ll get angry as well.

In a study of people who have been divorced, one out of three people, slightly more than one-third of men and women after 10 years, still feel ‘intense feelings of anger’ associated with the former marriage.” Why? Divorce hurts. The deeper your pain, the deeper your anger. When you deal with your hurt, you’ll deal with your anger.

- Sometimes it’s frustration. We often get angry when nothing seems to work, we don’t get our way, or we’re forced to wait. Instead of letting frustration turn to anger, we need ask ourselves, “Is this really worth getting angry over?”

- Other times it’s insecurity. We’re angry because we feel threatened. We feel like an animal being backed into a corner. This doesn’t have to be physical. It could come when our self-worth is attacked, when we’re embarrassed, or when we’re criticized.

2. What’s Causing Your Anger?

Before you can beat anger, you’ve got to know where it comes from.

- Look to God not others for your self-worth.

A sense of self-worth is essential to controlling anger. Insecure people are easily angered. Confident people are not. When you have a sense of self-worth, you can handle hurt, frustration, and insecurity much easier.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:21, “Don’t pay attention to everything people say.” The more insecure we are, the more we depend on the opinions of others to feel good about ourselves. If you’re insecure and someone says something bad about you, anger will follow because your self-worth is dependent upon the approval of others.

- If you want to overcome anger, you can’t get uptight when people criticize you.

How do you get that kind of self-confidence?

Proverbs 14:26 (GNB) says, “Reverence for the Lord gives confidence and security to a man.”

To overcome anger, believe what God says about you. Believe that he has a plan and purpose for your life. When you remember that, you won’t blow up when someone criticizes you.

3. Stop And Think Before Reacting.

Put your mind in gear before you engage your mouth. Often, when we’re angry, our mouth is moving way before we’ve thought about what we’re saying.

Proverbs 16:23 (GNB) says, “Intelligent people think before they speak.”

Because angry words come so easily, thinking is a key to anger management. You need to learn to delay your response.

Thomas Jefferson once said, “If you’re angry, count to 10. If you’re very angry, count to 100.”

You might think you can’t help blowing up, but you can! Anger is a choice. You get angry because you want to get angry. It feels good to get angry. You are responding how you choose to respond. Since you have a choice, choose to wait before reacting!

4. Learn To Relax.

Proverbs 14:30 (TLB) says, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.”

Temper and tension always go together. Deadlines tend to bring out the worst in us. They make us more irritable.

I’m usually a relaxed guy, but once a week I get PMS – Pre-Message Syndrome. Every weekend I get nervous. What do I have to say to those folks I’m preaching to? Gratefully my wife lets me drive to church in my own car. It has avoided so many irritating experiences!  

Some of you are wound so tightly that anything ticks you off. It’s week after week of tension, and you’re wondering why you’re yelling at your loved ones when you get home.   

5. Continually Ask God For Help.

Most importantly, you need God’s help to overcome anger. The first four fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22 are love, joy, peace, and patience. You need those if you’re going to overcome anger.

When the world puts pressure on you and you feel squeezed, what’s inside of you is going to come out. When you’re filled with the Spirit of God, love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self-control will come out.

Anger is just a warning light for a deeper issue – whether it’s frustration, insecurity, or something else. God wants to help you with that deeper issue. Will you let him?